The Beginning

“It’s not about what you write, it’s about who you write it for”

I had planned to start a blog several years ago. In fact, I created one. But unfortunately, I paid the fees and then forgot all about it in the midst of doing a PhD. So, the initial purpose of a blog was to log/document my PhD journey. But, I have to profess, I did think, who would want to read it! In the meantime, I’ve struggled with work commitments, commitments to my PhD and also my wife. To expand on this probably needs a bit of historical context. So, I’m 45, almost 46 – did terrible at school. In fact, high school was the worst time of my life, but that’s another story you definitely won’t want to read. But, after a reasonable career within the armed forces – I started on my journey into social care. Moving from children’s services, NSPCC, to working with sex offenders to working in prisons, I finally found my calling in the world of mental health. I work on what most class as the front-line crisis services. It’s, without a doubt, the best job in the world.

Like all other jobs, it takes a while to settle in, and once you do, your eyes start to open. What struck me seven years ago and still does today is the number of people accessing mental health services who equally use substances. I never really thought about it until I started to hear people’s stories and the challenges and struggles they face. By this time, I’d thrown myself into the world of mental health and, ultimately, psychiatry. I’d qualified as a social worker, “yes, a social worker”, and “no, I don’t wear sandals and elbow patches”. Feeling like I needed to learn more, I signed up for a MA in Mental Health Science. I was immersed and fascinated with the up and coming field of neuroscience. It made so much sense to me – our brains are complex but understandable. I became fixated on research into the brain’s limbic area and the amygdala. This and pharmacology shaped my learning over the next two years.

However, what interested me more and more was we’ve got all this knowledge and all of these fantastic medications that increase/stabilise the chemical imbalance caused by mental illness. Yet, more and more people were accessing our services. Often the same people again and again. Something wasn’t working. I’d also noticed and heard what colleagues were saying about people who used substances. When I say substances, I refer to alcohol, heroin, cocaine, amphetamines etc. The stigma and discrimination that I was now seeing and hearing were deafening, and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it before. I was struck that people were often passed between services without regard to how this must feel—and, even worse, turned away from services because they had used substances.

This was the turning point in my career, and also, I guess, my life. I applied for a PhD program in 2018 and was successful. I started in January 2019, continuing to work full-time in mental health services. I chose to explore the challenges faced by the people I’d seen daily trying to access the service I work for. So, I decided to complete a “Phenomenological study of the challenges people face with co-existing mental health and substance use difficulties and the impact on treatment and recovery”.

Why am I writing this? Is anyone actually reading it? Does it really matter? I’m writing it to help me on the PhD journey. I realised some years ago that you need to practice writing. It just doesn’t come. It’s a skill and, therefore, requires practice. So will anyone read this? I have no idea. Would anyone find it interesting? Again, I have no idea – time will tell, I guess. Does it really matter? Yes, but not from a ego perspective or self-importance perspective. Ultimately I hope people read this blog because it isn’t about me. It is for the people that often get missed, shunned for taking a substance and are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Undoubtedly the most real and down to earth people.